In the first few weeks after the loss my sister told me about this song by Joanna Newsom.
I'd like to point out that before this, I was never a fan of her music. I remember arguing with my sister about how I didn't like her voice (she said that I wasn't on a deep enough level to "get it"). However, I did always like the Sprout and the Bean...
And then she introduced me to this song. It is the most incredibly poignant tribute I have found. The first time I heard this was the first time I knew in my heart that I wasn't alone in this experience.
From what I know, she lost a baby well into her pregnancy due to a car accident. While the circumstances are different from mine, it seems her loss was painfully similar.
From what I know, she lost a baby well into her pregnancy due to a car accident. While the circumstances are different from mine, it seems her loss was painfully similar.
Watching her perform this live is unnerving as well as comforting to me. As she sings the words, her facial expressions speak so much that the lyrics almost become unnecessary.
There is no way any woman could write this song without knowing the pain that I have known. And I love her to death for having the courage and talent to create this, never mind perform it live.
Her way of telling the story is so clear and heartfelt. If anyone has any trouble understanding this kind of loss, Baby Birch will probably help you get an idea:
This is the song for Baby Birch
Oh I will never know you
And at the back of what we've done
There is the knowledge of you
Well I wish we could take every path
I could spend a hundred years adoring you
Yes, I wish we could take every path
Because I hated to close the door on you
Do you remember staring up at the stars
So far away in their bulletproof cars
When we heard the rushing, slow intake
Of the dark, dark water, and the engine breaks
And I said
How about them engine breaks
And, if I should die before I wake
Will you keep an eye on Baby Birch
Because I'd hate to see her make the same mistakes
When it was dark
I called and you came
When it was dark
I saw shapes
When I see stars
I feel, in your hand
And I see stars
And I reel, again
Well mercy me, I'll be goddamned
It's been a long, long time
Since I last saw you
And I have never known the plan
It's been a long, long time
How are you
Your eyes are green
Your hair is gold
Your hair is black
Your eyes are blue
I closed the ranks, and I doubled back
But, you know, I hated to close the dog-gone door on you
We take a walk along the dirty lake
Hear the goose cussing at me over her eggs
You poor little cousin, I don't want your dregs
A little baby fussing all over my legs
There is a blacksmith
And there is a shepherd
And there is a butcher boy
And there is a barber, who's cutting
And cutting away at my only joy
I saw a rabbit
As slick as a knife
And as pale as a candlestick
And I had thought it'd be harder to do
But I caught her, and skinned her quick
Held her there
Kicking and mewling
Upending, unspooling, unsung and blue
Told her "wherever you go
Little runaway bunny
I will find you"
And then she ran
As they're liable to do
Be at peace, baby
And be gone
Be at peace, baby
And be gone
Oh I will never know you
And at the back of what we've done
There is the knowledge of you
Well I wish we could take every path
I could spend a hundred years adoring you
Yes, I wish we could take every path
Because I hated to close the door on you
Do you remember staring up at the stars
So far away in their bulletproof cars
When we heard the rushing, slow intake
Of the dark, dark water, and the engine breaks
And I said
How about them engine breaks
And, if I should die before I wake
Will you keep an eye on Baby Birch
Because I'd hate to see her make the same mistakes
When it was dark
I called and you came
When it was dark
I saw shapes
When I see stars
I feel, in your hand
And I see stars
And I reel, again
Well mercy me, I'll be goddamned
It's been a long, long time
Since I last saw you
And I have never known the plan
It's been a long, long time
How are you
Your eyes are green
Your hair is gold
Your hair is black
Your eyes are blue
I closed the ranks, and I doubled back
But, you know, I hated to close the dog-gone door on you
We take a walk along the dirty lake
Hear the goose cussing at me over her eggs
You poor little cousin, I don't want your dregs
A little baby fussing all over my legs
There is a blacksmith
And there is a shepherd
And there is a butcher boy
And there is a barber, who's cutting
And cutting away at my only joy
I saw a rabbit
As slick as a knife
And as pale as a candlestick
And I had thought it'd be harder to do
But I caught her, and skinned her quick
Held her there
Kicking and mewling
Upending, unspooling, unsung and blue
Told her "wherever you go
Little runaway bunny
I will find you"
And then she ran
As they're liable to do
Be at peace, baby
And be gone
Be at peace, baby
And be gone
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