To Be Thankful:

The holiday season is in full force. 

I love this year more than the last...

This year taught me that I was capable of a love that I had never experienced previously. 

It altered my sense of self.

I threw aside my habits, whether they were normal, bad or fun.

It wasn't just about me anymore, and I was glad for that.

I was ready to give it up.

For Luca: 

  

I wanted to find the most comfortable bath tub for you.

I researched the most effective ways to teach you how to sleep through the night without feeling abandoned. 

 I read French parenting books, and was excited about teaching you the art of taste at a young age. We would eat le bleu, and of course I would have taught you how to appreciate Japanese dishes. You would have known the difference between oolong-cha and ryoku-cha.

Your car seat would have been the safest on earth. 

I would have taught you how to use watercolor paints. You would have made a mess.

I had already chosen your swaddling cloths. They had bees and giraffes on them.

I already had a set of Lincoln Logs ready for you. I had hoped to teach you how to build things from
scratch, despite all of your peers being raised on iPads. I wanted to show you how to make a tree fort with a hammer and salvaged nails, just like I did when I was at the age you should have reached.

You would have been two months old now.

   Everything should have been wonderful now.

Maybe you were just too beautiful for this world.